Are you on the same financial team as your partner?

Money is one of the top stressors in people's lives today and it one of the biggest contributors to couple's who divorce. So how can you determine if you and your romantic partner (or business partner for that matter) are on the same financial team? Here is what Dorian Mintzer, Ph.D., therapist and coach specializing in couples, money and boomers shared with my audience when she appeared on Chicks Make Cents Radio recently:

Learn about your partner's money history. Yes it is difficult to talk about money in our society but in order to have a good marriage or partnership it is essential. With the recent economic turmoil, more and more people are discussing money matters so use this as an opportunity to talk to your loved one about his or her thoughts and feelings about money, what he or she was taught financially growing up and how these lessons influence current spending and saving behaviors. Dorian shared a great question to start the conversation off on the right note. "What are you most proud of financially?" Yes, you can talk about the good parts of your relationship with money as well as the things you would like to change!

Create and develop a shared vision. Couples go through changes and developmental patterns just like individuals do. Starting out you want to make sure you discuss money matters along with having children, living arrangements and the usual dating conversations. If you did not start out that way, no problem. It is never to late to have a "financial meeting" to start the process. Create a vision of what you want your lives to look like now and in the future. Write this long term vision down and review it periodically. Having a shared vision around money and your life together as a couple will increase intimacy and allow you to find out more about your partner, his or her dreams and how you can live a wonderful life together. Remember that you do not need to agree on everything, you just need to respect each other's viewpoints.

Agree to productive money conversations. Dorian shared a few tips on how to have a healthy conversation around money. Follow these tips and make sure you take a break if one or both you is unable to follow these guidelines.

• Use "I" statements. Start the conversation with "I am concerned about X, Y and Z," not "You did X, Y and Z." It may feel like a subtle difference but it will get both of you started off on the right foot. Respect each other and talk about your experience helps you not accuse your partner of wrong doing. And nobody likes to be put on the spot. Using "I" statements takes practice, but there is better time to start than today.
• Set ground rules. It is important to agree that you will not blame each other, that you will agree to disagree if needed and you will get some professional help from a money coach or therapist should you not be able to follow the rules. We all need help from an expert from time to time and a few meetings with a money coach can go a long way in getting two people back on track and on the same team.
• Set time aside. Life gets busy so you need to schedule "financial meetings" from time to time. Agree to a time to talk for 30 minutes about the topic of money and your couple hood and keep the appointment. If you have kids, make sure they are taken care of so you are not interrupted. These financial conversations make great excuses to get a babysitter and treat yourselves to dinner and movie once you are done.

Do you want to hear more? If so check out Dorian's services, teleclasses and blogs by clicking here. To listen to this and other interviews on my radio show, Chicks Make Cents Radio, click here.

In life, I have learned that sometimes all it takes to get on the same team is asking your partner to be your teammate. At the core, we all want to be understood and work together. Please let me know how it goes. While I am on team Kingsbury, I learn alot from other teams as well.

Kathleen

Does money have a gender?

According to Reeta Wolfsohn, Founder of Financial Social Work and the term "femonomics" the answer is a resounding "YES"! Femonomics is defined as "the gender of money" and is a word that Reeta made up and licensed. Her work was featured on Chicks Make Cents Radio today where she discussed the three reasons she feels there is a gender to money. These include:

• Women earn less: It is a well known fact that women earn 76 cents to every man's dollar, but did you know that African American and Latino women earn even less than Caucasian women? The audience learned that these women earn just 65 cents and 55 cents, respectively, compared to a man's earnings.
• Women are charged more: The last time you went to the dry cleaners you probably noticed that your shirt costs more to dry clean than your spouses. This is true in many situations and supports the fact that women are charged more money for many things - from cars to clothes to health care. It is down right expensive to be a "chick".
• Women live longer: On average, women live 7 to 8 years longer than men but do not plan for retirement or manage their money to account for this fact. Therefore, a majority of the elderly are women and are living in poverty.

Reeta has been working for over 12 years towards leveling the playing field for women when it comes to money and wealth accumulation. Visit her website and sign up for her free newsletter and webinars.

Do you want to be part of the solution? If so, try these three tips:

• Create a space for your money: Pick a dedicated area in your home or apartment to work on your relationship with money. By setting aside space, you are more likely to pay attention to your finances. Reeta suggest you light candles and listen to soothing music while paying bills to help make it a pleasurable experience.
• Schedule time with your money: Set aside one hour a week to work on your relationship with money. Use this time to pay bills, learn about basic finance and/or "talk to money". The more time you spend working on this relationship, the more financially healthy you will be.
• Forget the "B" word: Budget implies deprivation and stress. Throw out this word and use "personal spending and saving plan" instead. Say the "B" word out loud and notice what you feel. Now saw "I have a personal spending and savings plan" out loud and notice the difference. A plan makes us feel confident, in control and ready for any challenge.

Want to hear more from Reeta? Go to Chicks Make Cents Radio and download the radio interview to listen at your convenience.

Do you think your money has a gender? Why or why not?

A Sassy Read for Women Entrepreneurs

The new book, The Sassy Ladies’ Toolkit for Start-up Businesses, is must read for women entrepreneurs across the country interested in staring a business and doing it the right way. This fun, informative and inspirational book takes the reader on a journey from dreaming about a business to making it a profitable reality. The book is written in a conversational, down to earth style making the reader feel as if The Sassy Ladies are sitting with you, coaching and encouraging you every step of the way.

While the book is only 120 pages, it is jam packed with resources and links to websites, books and tools to support you in your entrepreneurial endeavor. The Sassy Ladies have an online club that ties in with the book and provides more in-depth learning in six key areas. These include marketing, sales and revenue, office environment, strategic planning, networking, time management, financial management and self development.

Who are the Sassy Ladies? Michelle Girasole, Wendy Hanson and Miriam Perry are wonderfully diverse and talented women who have been there and done that when it comes to small business. Michelle’s technical expertise is sprinkled throughout the chapters and most helpful in Chapter 4, Working from Home in a section called Technology to the Rescue. Wendy is an experienced business coach who takes complex business concepts like developing a business plan and pricing your products and breaks it down into bite size pieces for the reader. Miriam is a writer and communication specialist who offers her insights into how to effectively market your product or service to the world. This talented trio will empower you to get in touch with your sassy side and inspire you to build the business of your dreams.

The biggest surprise in reading the book was how helpful it was for me, an entrepreneur with 15 years of experience in small business. While the concepts of starting with the end vision in mind, profitability, sustainability and marketing were familiar to me, the easy to read, practical approach and end of the chapter exercises provided new ideas for taking my existing business to the next level.

If you are thinking about starting a business or want to take your current one to the next level, The Sassy Ladies” Toolkit for Start-up Businesses is a great investment and must read.